Proverbs: Friendship

Sunday, July 20th, 2025
Proverbs 17:17; Proverbs 27:5–6; Proverbs 27:17

The Key Point:

Friendship is a gift from God that finds its deepest roots revealed through the life, death and teachings of Jesus

Introduction:

Friendships are something that we all have longed for at one time or another. They give us relationships that cause joy, growth, hope, hurt, and challenge and are worthy of pursuit. We can become better friends by embracing our truest friend Jesus!

Proverbs and Friendship

a. Characteristics of a True Friend

• Faithful and Loyal

  • “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” Proverbs 17:17

  • “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24

• Courageous Candor and Counsel

  • “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:5–6

  • “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity.” Proverbs 27:9–10

  • “He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.” Proverbs 22:11

• Mutual Refinement & Growth

  • “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

• Wise Selection of Friends

  • “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” Proverbs 12:26

  • “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” Proverbs 13:20

• Forgiveness and Covering Offenses

  • “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” Proverbs 17:9

• Rarity and Value of True Friends

  • “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” Proverbs 20:6

b. Characteristics of False Friend

• Angry

  • “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” Proverbs 22:24–25

• Slanderer

  • “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler” Proverbs 20:19

• Dishonest & Gossiper

  • “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends” Proverbs 16:28

• False

  • “The poor is disliked even by his neighbor, but the rich has many friends” Proverbs 14:20

  • “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend” Proverbs 19:4

Jesus and Friendship

• Elevated Status of Friendship

  • “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15

  • Jesus elevates the disciples' status from servants to friends, implying a relationship of trust, openness, and shared knowledge.

• Greatest Expression of Love

  • "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” John 15:13

  • This verse highlights the sacrificial nature of true friendship. Jesus demonstrated this by laying down his life for us. This is an example implies we should be willing to prioritize the well-being of our friends, even when it demands personal sacrifice.

• Important of Love and Obedience

  • “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” John 15:14

  • “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” John 13:34

  • In John 15:13–15, Jesus connects friendship with love and obedience. A primary command Jesus emphasizes is to "love one another as I have loved you". This suggests that genuine friendship, both with Jesus and with others, is characterized by a reciprocal love that expresses itself in following his teachings.

• Friends of Sinners

  • Jesus was known as a "friend of tax collectors and sinners" (Matthew 11:19, Luke 7:34). He reached out needy and rejected. He showed them God’s love and they were valued in God’s eyes. This demonstrates that true friendship is not limited to those considered "righteous" or "acceptable" by societal standards.

  • “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28–29

• Empathy and Intentionality

  • “Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”” John 11:34–35

  • He spent time with those close to Him. John 3:22, Luke 10:28–42, John 12:1–3

  • “Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7

• Servant-minded

  • "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” John 15:13

  • “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

  • “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” John 13:15 (Jesus had just washed the Disciples feet)

Us and Friendship

• Earthly Friendship
  “In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)

  • God is sovereign over our friendships

  • Are we acting out the scriptural teaching? Am I a good friend? Am I kind? Loyal? Patient? Do I use my words for good? Am I easily angered? How can I use the wisdom found in Proverbs and Jesus teaching to be a better friend myself?

  • What is your motive in friendships? Self-serving or Others-serving? Is it transactional?

  • Are you intentional with your friendships? The time and effort to maintain and steward our friendships is not easy. This may look different over time, but we can still be involved in our friends’ lives.

  • Many friendships are only for a certain time and place in your life, that is OK.

  • Do you pursue friendships? Hurt, laziness, and a wrong perspective of ourselves can often talk us into not pursuing them.

• Jesus Friendship
  “Earthly friendship is God's gracious gift to us. It's wonderful, beautiful, and vulnerable. We can easily distort what brings value to our relationships. Our longing for true and full fellowship shouldn't ever fall away from the hope of Jesus Christ. Jesus is the perfect friend. Living in light of this opens the door for true, grace-filled and intentional friendships with others; the kind of friendship that draws us outside of ourselves and points us to the same truth that we share. So while aspiring to be better and more faithful friends, may we glean wisdom from the truest Friend and may we find hope for true friendship in the life and ministry of Jesus.” (Coleman, Aubrey)

  • Do you have a relationship with Jesus? “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” Romans 10:9–10

  • If we have many friends or no friends – Jesus is there!

  • Are you intentional with your relationship with Jesus?

  • Do you commune with Jesus? – meaning focus on God, converse, talk, at times with profound intensity, intimate communication or rapport as sharing your heart and mind with God in prayer.

  • Is your Jesus Friendship your most valued? “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ” Philippians 3:8

Conclusion:

We were created for relationships (friendship), we can see the beauty and joy of friendship with ease, but good friendships take time and intentionality. Not only is Jesus our dearest friend, but He also models what true friendship is through His life of ministry. What a friend we have in Jesus!

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Written by Joseph Medlicott Scriven

1
What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

2
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged,
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness,
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

3
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer;
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer;
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.